Skin deep

I was struck over the weekend while shopping in town and at the supermarket by the number of women who, judging by the colour of their complexion, appear to have been dipped in creosote.  Ladies, I know you're making an effort to look more attractive, but that wood preservative colouration isn't doing it for you.  For those gents who also seem to be obsessed with their skin taking on the same sheen as Ronseal's Quickdrying Mahogany Woodstain, the same proviso applies.  Be natural.  Use as much skin cream as you need to make your skin feel soft and supple.  Add whatever makeup you need to highlight your most attractive features.  Apply gently scented perfume and try not to overdose on the anti-perspirants. But forget it with the fake tans already.